manic melancholic
i don't know what to put here at the moment.

Okay, so I don’t really use this tumblr anymore but I guess I want to put this out there somehow so this works. I’ve been getting pretty depressed again lately. I think it might end up as bad as it was in college. I don’t have any sort of medical insurance at the moment, so I can’t go see a therapist or get medication or anything like that. I can’t really confide in my boyfriend, because he’s been distancing himself from me quite a bit lately and last night he described talking to me as a “downer,” so honestly he’s not really a good source of emotional support at the moment. I have a few friends, but they’re busy with their own lives most of the time and I tend not to hear from them much unless I actively seek out a conversation with them, which is something I just don’t have the emotional energy to do much at the moment.

I’m trying very hard to take care of myself as well as I can, and push myself to do things like get enough sleep and eat properly and take showers and stuff, but a lot of the time I run out of motivation to do these things or I just forget about them completely.

Basically, I don’t know what to do to stop this from happening again. I’ve been through it enough times to recognize that I need to take preventative action now, before it all gets much much worse. But I feel like my options are so much more limited than they have been in the past. I know this isn’t something you’re supposed to try to face on your own, but I don’t really see what other choice I have.

I don’t know. It’s just been an impossibly difficult year, and… I don’t know. I guess it was only a matter of time before I started drowning again.

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it really sucks to watch one of your best friends become an alcoholic.

blargh blargh blargh. going to a party tonight but i’m putting off getting ready ‘cause i don’t know what to wear ‘cause i feel ugly in everything these days. )’:

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